I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
