Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
