420 ftw
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
