phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
