I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I made him laugh his dick is mine
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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