Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
