were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
