So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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