oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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