Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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