im drinking this country out of the recession.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think your dad took our porno
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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