Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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