then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
