how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
