I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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