Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
