I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
