ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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