i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
