Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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