Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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