hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
