you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When are your genitals available?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
