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U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
