this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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