woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
