real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
