I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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