he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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