i wish my penis had a tongue
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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