So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
