I am puke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
