I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
