Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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