Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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