I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
