so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
