when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
