Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
