The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
