I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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