He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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