Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
