You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
