idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
