Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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