if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
