My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
