I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
