Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
