Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
