You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
