filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
