her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
