im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
