Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
