i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
