Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Someone signed my nipple.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
