My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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