I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
