My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
