I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
